Hey, the name is Kell, this is a bit about me, not written by me: I'm new-wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward-bound. I'm a hot wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer; voice-activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database; my database is cyberspace; so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time to time I'm radioactive. Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodging the bullet, pushin' the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low profile, medium-rang e ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic; out of rehab and in denial. You can't shut me up; you cant dumb me down. Cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless. I'm a non-believer, I'm an over-achiever; Laid back and fashion forward. Up-front, down-home; Low-rent, high-maintence. I'm super-sized, long-lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven-ready and built to last. A hands-on footloose, knee-jerk head case; prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing, A supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary-caregiver. My output is down, my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk-mail, eat junk-food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-tolerant. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes. I'm a fully equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, Scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped and vacuum-packed. I'm a bit rude but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked, and ready to rock, rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow; I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride. I dont snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal, and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time. I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt; I'm hanging tough. Over and out.
(Modified from "Modern Man" By George Carlin, what an great man.. R.I.P.)